We live in a culture that values perfection, and that leads us to consider that doing things flawlessly leads to well-being and success, so that it can be a surprise to many that there’s an important link between perfectionism and depression. I’ve experienced both but it required a personal crisis, and literally feeling like my life was falling apart, to show me how interrelated they are.
Simply set: People with what I call “The Never Enough Syndrome” can never fulfill their own unrealistic expectations, and as a result they get depressed.
I recall a routine I experienced repeatedly a long time back when I was frequently discussing at large conventions within my area of —??how they dressed, how many individuals made a decision to really go with their workshop as opposed to mine, along with the number of self-help books they’d written. I’d scold myself for my measly two novels and feel that I did not think of writing on the topic they chose.
After berating myself about my perceived shortcomings, when I had been alone I’d then go to my hotel room and fall apart. I might feel guilty about not being home for my children and cry about the fact that I was a divorced family therapist. I ‘d no one to turn to my friends as well as family supposed I had been strong, and since I never shared my pain or my weaknesses with anyone and that everything was okay.
I see that my perfectionism was a serious contributor to my melancholy. The good news is that I joined a support group, which began to reverse both issues and got professional help. After I confront similar difficulties, I could hardly recognize the man I was back then today.
What Is Perfectionism?
Perfectionism is a characteristic that causes us to find comfort in order. It could have serious consequences, when it’s overused as a way to cope with tension or anxiety. For instance, perfectionists have a deep need to “get it right” and as a consequence it may interfere with relationships and opportunities in life. It could particularly make your relationship with yourself hard. Perfectionists often do not let their actual selves because they fear they may appear absurd or incompetent, to be understood. They may be “perfect” in public situations yet a catastrophe in their private home life. Nervousness about errors — or fear of making mistakes — can preoccupy their minds and make easiness hopeless,
I do not believe that being born with a tendency for perfectionism means that it’ll become an issue that is serious and lead to depression. You will find numerous variables that make depression worse in a perfectionist:
- Shame and self-doubt. Growing up with low self esteem and a lack of safe connection leaves us feeling bad about who we are and drives us to try more difficult to establish our value.
- Making comparisons with others. Comparing yourself to those who seem “better than me” — better looking, better parent, smarter, more accomplished — is a dangerous practice.
- Insufficient support combined with an urge to isolate. Perfectionists are often afraid to be found out as imposters. They do anything to avert it and expect criticism.
- Keeping secrets about anxieties and mistakes. This really is like leading a leading a double life – the person I seem to be vs. what I feel inside.
- Fear of rejection or disapproval. This prevents familiarity in what should be relationships that are close and results in defensiveness.
Strategies for Dealing With the Perfectionist Within
Depression is an issue that is very serious, and clinical depression can come on for no reason — it isn’t always related to perfectionism. In the event you feel you might be suffering from both or either, the best thing to do would be to seek counseling from a professional to work on the things that can improve your well-being long term.
It can be altered although the inclination toward perfectionism does not evaporate in counselling. Try these tips should you desire more and get assistance.
- Put people first. Before jobs and items, put your heart into connecting with all the people you love.
- Come out as a human being. Credibility, although messy, is needed for the pleasure of love, enjoyment, enjoyment and total happiness.
- Challenge negative self-talk. Turn the volume down rather than trying to shut it out.
- Pay attention to your personal signs of trouble. Perfectionists rigid and get more concerned when they are hungry, angry, lonely or tired. Use prevention strategies to manage this tendency.
- Let go of expectations that are high. Try And accept people as they are. We’re all unique and flawed !
Remember, you are good enough now, in this minute. Be you completely!